Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Clomid and Dead Babies

I will be embarking on the Clomid freeway very soon. I have been very resistant to fertility treatment. Two reasons: I have always felt that things should come naturally and not be forced. This may be because anytime I have ever forced anything in my never worked. Another reason is I had a friend lose a baby after conceiving on Clomid. Now the rational part of me says the two are not connected in any way, but there is this other part of me that just feels like I would be tempting fate. I think when you are around the grieving too long it starts to have an effect on the spirit. I have seen her pain, not the full depth, but pretty close. I'll be honest, it scares the shit out of me. I don't ever want to experience that kind of loss. I know I could not handle it. I just couldn't.
I'm finding that I need to banish thoughts of baby loss at all angles. I need to think positive. I need to.