Saturday, September 27, 2008

No Vice

I'm just despondent. Ever since I have embarked on this mission to kill PCOS I've found myself feeling very sad. I've effectively had to divorce myself from food. Or more specifically a nice handy list of items such as:

  • Anything with white flour
  • The obvious carbs (White bread, rice, potatoes, cake cookies - basically anything tasty)
  • Alcohol (this one I can have once in a blue moon)
  • Pop (not even the diet kind)
  • Reduced dairy (as in the words of my doc"cheese" is useless and crappy source of protein cause you get mostly fat- fuck off)

You get the picture...and saying "Oh you can a have a little" well no!! no I can't. With PCOS you have a little and you want more, because of how sensitive we are to insulin increases. And insulin makes you want to eat crap.

I've discovered food is not my friend, it does not love me and will not provide a source of comfort. Food is pretty much enemy number one (well the food I cannot eat) and I'm sad that I've lost my friend, but this friend really needs to fuck off and die. Food is for survival and not for pleasure. As extreme as this sounds it's the only thing that will work. I have to create a new relationship with food and not one where food is holding all the cards.

I have no vices left....or maybe no more crutches, or nothing left to hide behind..this makes me sad, very sad indeed.

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